YAPC Script 2, 2003: 2003-6-16 Cast: Kevin MELTZER: YAPC Coordinator Dave ROLSKY: Vegan and Date Module Hacker ARTUR Bergman: Threads hacker PIERS Cawley: Maintainer of crap code Damian CONWAY: Perl 6 Designer RANDAL Schwartz: Felon and bimbo connoisseur ABIGAIL: Netherlander David WHEELER: Bricolage author MALIN Bergman: Boobies CHROMATIC: Schwern's co-conspirator ROCCO Caputo: POE maniac ALLISON Randal: Perl Foundation President Brian INGERSON: CPAN module author Tim MAHER: Seattlite URI Guttman: Perl snob Ken WILLIAMS: Math geek Michele RODRIGUEZ: Frenchman LEON Brocard: Little language guru MICHAEL McLennan: Bought his way in at the auction MELTZER: I think it went well. Everybody had a great time, and although it was very exhausting, I enjoyed showing everyone around my--- ROLSKY: Meat. It's a crime. All those fuzzy little animals, I just want to hug them and kiss their little--- ARTUR: Hole. There's a still a big hole in threads in Perl, but thanks to a grant from the Perl Foundation I'll be able to complete my--- PIERS: Dumps. The bloody thing's still dumping core. I spent all day yesterday trying to get it ready for my talk and it's still. It's a huge pain in the--- CONWAY: Class. Hierarchy. It's all out the window. Everything I ever knew about Perl, bloody Larry changes every week. Crikey, my head feels like a croc's got it. I need a--- RANDAL: Stripper. I wrote a little HTML stripper--you give it a web page and it gives you back the--- MALIN: Boobies. I try to make contact with them, but their eyes are always fixed on my--- WHEELER: Assets. Bricolage is all about managing your text assets. It'll make you--- ROCCO: OMNIPOTENT! A SWIRLING DERVISH OF PURE UNADULTERATED BALLS-TO-THE-WALL--- ALLISON: Love. That's what I'm bringing to the Perl Foundation, a deep love of Perl and all its--- ROLSKY: Hot chicks. That's what McNuggets are. Little baby chicks that were plucked and pulped and--- CONWAY: Screwed. The Perl6 mailing lists are totally screwed. Reading them is like sticking a hot poker up your--- TORKINGTON: Python. I hate Python with its little twitchy whitespace and stupid braceless blocks! I want to give them a good hard kick in the--- INGERSON: modules. Modules are the best thing to ever happened to Perl. Without modules, Perl would be like--- MAHER: really bad coffee. Where ever you go in Florida, you are guaranteed to find someone serving--- RANDAL: a subpoena. All I did was--- ABIGAIL: hashish and prostitution. It makes Amsterdam such a rotten place. I'd much rather live in--- CHROMATIC: Schwern's pants. They're disgusting, I tell you. I swear, he hasn't done any laundry since--- ROLSKY: the French Revolution. It's a bizarre calendar with ten day weeks and--- MELTZER: lots of beer. When this conference is over, the first thing I'm going to do is drink lots of--- URI: camel piss. I don't care how much VC funding that startup has, their code is camel piss. Reading their code is like sticking your putz in the mouths of a pair of rabid-- WILLIAMS: High school students. It's really rewarding to teach math to high school students. You get a sense that you're helping the next generation to get a firm grip on--- RODRIGUEZ: "mirod". That's how they pronounce it. I pronounce my IRC handle "mee rod" because I'm French and it's based on my name Mee -- Michele, Rod -- Rodriguez. But everyone else thinks I'm talking about my--- LEON: Tiny tools. That's the Unix philosophy: tiny tools loosely coupled. Of course, when you say loose coupling, people think you're talking about-- MICHAEL: Money. I gave them all that money and my only line is so boring it makes me want to--- MELTZER: Sleep. Definitely going to sleep after the beer. But before I pass out, I just want to say: thank you. THE END