I, Nicholas Clark, hereby offer 6 rewards, each of 100 guineas, to be paid to the Perl Foundation, for the the first article deemed to be "good enough" by my judges, in each of the following categories:
100 guineas in real money is 105 pounds sterling. (about $160 or 160 Euros at current exchange rates). The intent is to make fun of articles which are of the form "my language is better than your language". $foo here is any language that makes a suitably funny subject when compared with perl in this style.
Schwern and Greg McCarroll are the judges; please send your articles (and any questions) to email@example.com.
You can bribe the judges using https://donate.perl-foundation.org/ :-)